Gagged
I originally planned to keep this blog a complete secret. My reasoning was simple: I could use the site to rant about whatever I wanted, and reveal my inner most thoughts and secrets … and no-one in the real world would be any the wiser.
Ha! Best laid plans etc.
A few months after starting Stratford Girl, and at the height of my blogging addiction, I was composing a post whilst also making dinner. Up until then I had been very careful to log out of WordPress, delete my browsing history and close down Internet Explorer every time I left the (shared) computer unattended. However, on this occasion, after rushing to stop a saucepan of water boiling over, I inadvertently minimised rather than closed down the window.
Along comes L. to check his e-mail, maximises the screen, and hey presto, my cover is blown. I was so embarassed! Embarassed by the name of the blog (it still makes me cringe, but I can’t think of a better one), and slightly concerned that he may find what I had written completely pitiful. Luckily I hadn’t written anything that I wouldn’t be happy for him to read.
Maths Chick and Gastropunk were the next people to know. After several months of hugging the blog to my chest, I was bursting to engage in blog talk (stats, search terms etc.) with a real life blogger. And, if I’m honest, I was also worried that my frequent skipping from my blog to theirs would somehow leave a cyber-trace that would catch me out …
Recently, however, I’ve become more relaxed about friends knowing about the blog. I’ve told a fair few people now … mainly because I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I haven’t told anyone at work yet though - probably for the best given that I’ve made no secret of how much I hate my job.
It’s great being able to talk openly to friends about my little hobby (it’s not good to harbour secrets, is it?) but coming out of the closet has had its downsides.
These days, when I blog, I am conscious that people who know me may now be reading my words (because, of course, they have nothing better to do with their time) … and this has made me think much more carefully about what I write, who I may offend and what I want people to know about me. It also means that I can’t write as freely or candidly as I might like. One person in particular has ‘banned’ me from mentioning them altogether, which is annoying.
So. Here I am this weekend, not feeling terribly happy about a number of things in my life, wanting to write about them but unable to. At the moment I’m feeling like I’ve been gagged. And that doesn’t feel right at all.
princesse replied:
Oh dear, poor SG, no, it certainly can’t be any fun being gagged.
It was a big decision for me to let some ‘real life’ people know about my blog too, and just now the only people who know are my family, my boyfriend and Zannie. Some of my online accounts such as Myspace linked to my blog for a short period of time though and that’s what I worry about, in case some person from my past comes across my blog and - Oh God I just do not want that!
It’s no fun when you write a blog and find you have to watch everything you say, and when someone says you cannot mention them ATALL then it’s very annoying! (although I do realise it’s their right) but what I do is just change people’s names and places and times and dates so that although in MY mind I’m writing about someone real, they are never going to recognise it as them if they come across it.
I prefer to not tell many people in the real world about my secret online life (!) but sometimes I’m desperate to tell someone a story about ‘a blog I read’ or stats etc. and then I worry about them going to my blog and reading through the archives and coming across something I wouldn’t have written if I believed they would read it!!
March 1, 2008 at 11:56 am. Permalink.
princesse replied:
Sorry for the MASSIVE comment!!
xxxx
March 1, 2008 at 11:56 am. Permalink.
pierre l replied:
I am sad that you are unhappy, and unable to write about it. I hope you will continue writing from time to time, and that your difficulties will be resolved. But, if you decide to stop, I will understand that too. There isn’t a lot of point in blogging unless you enjoy doing it. I have, of course, noticed that both Maths Chick and Gastropunk have been silent since her mother died. Many thanks for all the writing that you have done so far, and perhaps we will meet in other peoples’ comment boxes from time to time.
Or, even better, perhaps you will continue the blog after all. Even more cyber-hugs…
March 1, 2008 at 1:22 pm. Permalink.
Brennig replied:
Talk to me.
Email in yours.
March 1, 2008 at 2:07 pm. Permalink.
Jane replied:
Have you thought about changing the web address of your blog? That way you could carry on, but only letting the people you want back in. Anyone else would just assume you have removed the blog completely. I know sometimes it feel bad having a “secret” - for instance B doesn’t read my blog, and on the one hand I feel bad, like I’m keeping something from him, but on the other it does help to retain some anonymity. It lets me rant unrestrained! Hope you find an outlet either way. You have our emails if you need them!
Many squishy hugs, and like Princesse, apologies for the mini-novel comment.
Jxx
March 2, 2008 at 5:53 pm. Permalink.
Uncle Norman replied:
Don’t be gagged.
If you have something to say then say it.
Although I should add it doesn’t always make you popular, but who cares about that.
I only read half a dozen blogs at the very most but this is one of my faves.
March 4, 2008 at 6:31 pm. Permalink.
despina replied:
You and me both SG. Although it’s been mainly beneficial to me to have real-life friends reading. I’ve been given so much understanding and help by them. But it’s odd walking into a room full of people and not remembering exactly who reads your blog, until they look at you and you realise they know everything. One member of my blogroll is my bestest friend and one is Jez (who I’ve now split from, incidentally) but I think all the rest are people I met through blogging.
I thought of setting up another blog or using password protection - are you able to do that?
xx
March 5, 2008 at 1:35 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
Princesse: No apology necessary - massive comments always welcome!
Pierre: Not planning to stop blogging just yet …
Brennig: Thanks for your e-mails.
Jane: I *have* thought about changing the address of the blog, or setting up a new one. I wonder whether by people searching for ‘Stratford’, ’speech therapy’, ‘moany cow’ etc., they would come across my blog again, though (as I’m bound to write about some of the same things!). I get the impression it’s not that easy to hide in cyberspace!
UN: Thanks for saying nice things about my blog. And good point, too re saying what I want.
Despina: See my comment to Jane, above. How does the password thing work? (p.s. I sent you an email earlier).
March 5, 2008 at 9:18 pm. Permalink.
Angele replied:
*blog hopping*
At first I didn’t want my surroundings to know about my blog either. I thought that being anonymous, I could write and rant about just everybody and everything. Hahaha
But somehow I told some of my closest friends and now even my family knows I have an online diary. It doesn’t bother me anymore.
April 5, 2008 at 6:57 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
Hi Angele
Thanks for your comment! Will hop over and check out your blog anon…
SG
xx
April 5, 2008 at 8:28 pm. Permalink.