Miss Angry of Stratford
Things I wanted to shout out loud on the DLR today but didn’t for fear of being knifed*
1. “Turn your fucking music down. I can’t hear myself think!”
2. “Pull your trousers up! You’re waddling like a duck and look completely ridiculous”.**
3. “Close your legs, mister! Yes, you! I know you think you’ve got an enormous todger, but you probably haven’t. And you’re taking up half my seat”.
4. “Move your hand away from my leg, you weirdo”.
5. “How can you eat that crap? It stinks”.
6. “Don’t you ever wash?”
7. “Shut the fuck up! All of you! I can’t stand it anymore!”
Things I wanted to say to a lunatic born-again Christian who was screaming in my ear on the bus today, and did***
1. “Excuse me! Hello! Sorry to interrupt you, but could you speak a bit more quietly - you’re hurting my ears”.
2. [After aforementioned LBAC proceeded to tell all non-Christians on the bus they would burn in hell unless they repented there and then (at an even louder volume than before)]:
“Excuse me! Hellooo! Look, no one is interested in what you are saying, OK? Is this really the right way to go about converting people? People just want to get home from work. What is your success rate, anyway? Don’t you realise that this is a multi-cultural society and many people on this bus are going to be upset by what you are saying?”
3. [After LBAC looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was going to burn in hell]:
“Oh whatever. Shut up you silly woman”.
AAARRGHHGHGGH! London life, eh? Is it worth it?
* Apologies for all the swearing.
**Am I showing my age?
*** Don’t know what is happening to my inhibitions recently. Everyone was looking at me, and I didn’t mind at all.
Lis of the North replied:
Yay! Good for you!
February 19, 2008 at 5:50 pm. Permalink.
Brennig replied:
You are in a club of many people - and should be celebrated! I love you and I want your babies!
February 19, 2008 at 6:41 pm. Permalink.
Soph replied:
Well done you!!! I’m super impressed.
And welcome to Hell. I find it very comfortable, thank you. Enjoy you (warm) stay.
Soph x
(PS - Bren doesn’t even like babies, so please take him with a pinch of salt…Tut!)
February 19, 2008 at 7:02 pm. Permalink.
Citronella replied:
Oh! Hell! Can I come too?
February 19, 2008 at 9:22 pm. Permalink.
Jane replied:
Woo hoo! Much applause and congratulations!
Wish I had your…gumption. Good for you!
Jxx
February 19, 2008 at 10:23 pm. Permalink.
Uncle Norman replied:
SG
Oh I can sympathise so much. Some of these people get right on my frigging tits (man boobs).
A few weeks ago after a very bad couple of days I was on the Northern Line - Not a cheerful experience - and I asked a young lad to turn his MP3 player down and he said “Make me pal”.
Always happy to oblige. You need a lot of KY to make an I pod comfortable.
I know it was wrong, but I felt better.
February 20, 2008 at 12:44 pm. Permalink.
Genevieve replied:
I wish I could scream like you, sweets…I just silently fume
February 20, 2008 at 7:52 pm. Permalink.
Brennig replied:
Uncle Norman… did you spank him?
February 21, 2008 at 7:04 pm. Permalink.
Masher replied:
Well done you!
Chalk one up for the silent majority.
February 22, 2008 at 5:06 pm. Permalink.
Mya replied:
I’ve been pining a bit (more than usual) for London recently - but SG, you have eased my yearnings somewhat. Thankyou.
Mya x
February 23, 2008 at 9:25 pm. Permalink.
Despina replied:
Darling you are stupendous as ever! x
February 24, 2008 at 10:01 am. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
Thanks for all your comments, folks.
Lis, Jane: hello and thanks.
Citronella: please do!
Soph: glad that I won’t be alone!
Brennig: Thanks. If I reach 39 and don’t have a suitable dad lined up, I may be round to yours with a turkey-baster.
UN: what *did* you do?! I bet the lad was quaking in his boots!
Ginny: love the photo! You have really blue eyes!
Masher: hello old chap. I’ll be over to your place to check out your website later on!
Mya: you’re better off where you are, believe me.
Despy: hello my dear! When are you going to start writing again?! I miss reading your blog!
February 24, 2008 at 11:27 am. Permalink.
Maths Chick replied:
Oh SG that made my day reading that! Good for you.
I really did fear for my life one day on the tube after asking someone to turn down their music. And he wasn’t even playing it on headphones - just straight from the speaker. And he didn’t turn it down, but turned it up (if that’s possible). It was horrible, having to just sit there whilst everyone else pretended that nothing had happened……
The joys of commuting in London …. xx
February 29, 2008 at 4:56 pm. Permalink.
Further unpleasantries « Stratford Girl replied:
[...] her merry work, seemingly oblivious to her fellow passengers’ concerns. Of course no-one (not even me!) said anything to her - this is London after all. Luckily she got off a couple of stops later, [...]
March 15, 2008 at 2:41 pm. Permalink.
Alvin Hussey replied:
Can someone tell me what the FUCK is going on here?
March 27, 2008 at 10:00 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
Are you a real person or a spammer, Mr Hussey?
March 27, 2008 at 10:18 pm. Permalink.