Facebook dilemma 2
Imagine for a moment that when you were 16, you had a penpal who you got on really well with (and who you had a bit of a crush on!). You meet up, become really good friends and carry on writing to each other for a few more years. After that you both go to uni, find other boyfriends/ girlfriends, and gradually stop writing to each other. You lose touch until 2007, when through the magic of Facebook, penpal finds you again. You start to poke each other and send each other messages.
Now, imagine you decide to do a Google search for this person (just to see what he’s been up to all these years), but rather than finding out where he works, or that he belongs to this or that group/club or whatever, you stumble upon something quite shocking. Something that a former school ‘mate’ has written about him; a personal and very spiteful attack …
You wonder whether he has seen it, and what you should do. Should you tell him about it? What if he has seen it and is embarrassed when you mention it?
Or should you say nothing and risk other people stumbling across the same malicious gossip?
What would you do?
Mya replied:
Gosh, that’s a toughie. I think I might bide my time…see what happens. Sorry, not very helpful AT ALL. I’m very curious, but I know how discreet you are, so I won’t bother pressing for the juicy details.
Mya x
November 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm. Permalink.
Brennig replied:
It’s a toughie alright.
If someone has written something malicious about a person in any media how would you go about getting it retracted even if it were false? By and large as soon as something has been published it’s ‘out there’ and can’t be recalled. No matter how wrong it is.
I know I’m not answering your question, I’m just outlining the nature of publishing.
The only way to get the problem fixed is for the wronged person to take legal action and win a case in a court of law. That is an expensive course of action.
How bad is the thing you’ve found?
Is contacting the writer an option - to explore whether there’s anything of substance behind the attack (unless of course it’s little more than name calling!) and to see if they might retract it?
If all else fails then yes, the person the piece is about should know the article is out there. Whether or not it’s your role to tell them is a different question.
November 18, 2007 at 8:12 pm. Permalink.
Jane replied:
Mya’s right, that is a tough one. But I have to say that if I were in the penpal’s place, I would want to know (I think). I mean, forewarned is fore-armed so they say, and if he does already know, then surely he’ll just appreciate you trying to look out for him? But it is a horrible position to be for you, and I don’t think anyone would judge you badly whatever you do.
On the other hand my dad always says, if you’re not sure what to do, do nothing. I’m not sure that’s always good advice, but maybe it’ll help here. Good luck sweetie. J x
November 19, 2007 at 3:15 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
I’ve been thinking about this a bit more since I wrote this post. I reckon that most people ‘google’ themselves at some point (don’t they?!). So, I reckon that he has probably seen it. Therefore, I think that Mya/ Jane’s dad are probably right, and the best course of action is to do nothing. As Brennig points out, I’m not sure what could be done to remove it anyway.
By the way, in answer to your questions, Brennig: It is definitely not based on fact - just someone being spiteful. It’s not very serious - no allegations of anything illegal or anything like that - but pretty nasty nonetheless.
November 19, 2007 at 11:04 pm. Permalink.