Facebook dilemma
I’ve become increasingly bored with Facebook over the last few weeks, and have realised that it has very little to offer me. I occasionally send a load of fish or flowers to someone, or get poked by a ‘friend’ who I haven’t seen for a few years, but generally that’s it. Maybe some people use it to keep in contact with others … but since you need to have an e-mail address to be on Facebook in the fist place, I wonder why they don’t just use that and cut out the middleman.
The most intriguing element of Facebook is being able to look up people from your past. I wrote a post a while back about a horrible ex-boyfriend who contacted me several times via Facebook. I ignored his pokes and messages and found the whole thing a bit odd.
Recently though, I had a dilemma. In a moment of internet ennui, I did a search on Facebook and came across N., an ex from university.
From time to time, when looking through old photos, or reading old letters, I have thought about contacting him. Not because I would want anything to happen between us; not even sure why really. Maybe just to know that he is OK; or because it would be strange to live to 80 and not have seen someone I once cared about for 60 years.
I got as far as writing a short message … but cancelled at the last minute. What would contacting him actually achieve? Would he find it just as strange as I did when I received a message from Mr Long Snot? I’d feel really crap if he ignored my message and wouldn’t want him to think I still had feelings for him. Those kind of feelings, anyway.
Maybe some things just need to stay in the past.
Brennig replied:
Good thoughts and feelings SG!
Facebook is pants, it’s official. One logs in to a website to read messages from people who could have IM’d or emailed? Really? The funniest thing I’ve done is put up a spoof message about one of my ‘friends’. If anyone reads that… well… who knows what they’ll think of us.
But onwards…
The ‘ex’ thing: the words ‘worms’ and ‘tin’ come to mind.
Sure, you might just want to know how N is but a contact from you might be (dangerously) misconstrued by N.
Or (puts on psychologists hat) do you secretly want to know how badly N has done without you there to guide, support and lead him?
Or do you want to tell him (even on a subconscious level) that he wasn’t really quite as dull as you told him he was and that the sex was very exciting?
September 24, 2007 at 12:39 pm. Permalink.
Christane replied:
‘Maybe some things just need to stay in the past’.
Yes. No doubt.
Life moves forward, not backward
Peut-être qu’il y a des choses qui ont juste besoin de rester dans le passé.
Oui. aucun doute là dessus
La vie elle avance, elle ne recule pas.
September 24, 2007 at 5:51 pm. Permalink.
soph replied:
From experience of getting in touch with an ex-boyfriend…don’t.
I hated this guy’s guts and only leaving the country could make me realise that. When I returned from my travels a year later I heard whispers about him seeing a friend of mine as soon as I’d stepped on the plane (now also an ex-friend) and the curiosity got the better of me. It turns out (gasp shock) he’s still a twat and will always be one.
Whatever it is you may want to say, I’m guessing it’s not going to bring you any answers that are a) interesting or b) useful
Sophx
September 24, 2007 at 8:41 pm. Permalink.
Uncle Norman replied:
Hello SG. Just had a really pleasant amble through your blog.
I can understand your frustrations with Talk Talk but they didn’t kill you off like they did me. Bastards.
I never think its a good idea to go back. We all look at the past with rose coloured glasses. Somebody reminded me of a girl I knew once. They remembered that she was Intelligent, witty, beautiful and wealthy, but forgot that she was selfish stuck up bitch and a total and utter friggin loon. Its not as if she hid these little faults. So you say how could he forget them? I dont know, but he did, because he married her.
Leave the past alone and move on to pastures new.
As for this face book thing I just dont get it. Spent too long in the sun and am out of touch maybe. Stay lucky.
UN
September 25, 2007 at 12:18 pm. Permalink.
pierre l replied:
I am probably too old for Facebook. I love reading blogs, and enjoy writing comment. I joined myspace.com because one blogger I read had photos you couldn’t see without logging in. I am however friendless (well I did get one who must have written the software and set it up so he is a friend of everyone who joins - I spend tthe next hour discovering how to delete him, and haven’t added anyone else). As I have occasionally exchange e-mails with the blogger in question, I don’t see any point in aking to be added to her list of friends.
I certainly don’t see any point in trying to contact old girlfriends from forty years ago. I would concentrate on the friends you have now.
September 25, 2007 at 7:14 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
Hello everyone!
Thanks for all the comments. I think the concensus seems to be that contacting an ex is a Very Bad Idea. I think I knew that already really and that’s why I didn’t actually send the message…
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks that Facebook is a pile of crap.
SG
x
September 25, 2007 at 9:53 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
ps. Nice to see you back, UN!
September 25, 2007 at 9:55 pm. Permalink.
Lis of the North replied:
Late to the party but I agree with all the above
Past needs to stay in the past, it feels at home and happy there. It doesn’t like the present because it feels left out because things have moved on since its day…
xx
September 26, 2007 at 6:13 pm. Permalink.
Kent Girl replied:
I contacted an ex from 20 years ago on Facebook and said hi. He didn’t take it the wrong way and I got so much fun out of looking at his balding photos once he had accepted me as a friend. It was even more fun looking at his new wife’s profile (which was open to those in the London network). He was (and is) a pompous, patronising barrister who has married someone 10 years younger who hasn’t mastered the use of the apostrophe.
Great blog. I came here via the fab veg box diaries.
September 27, 2007 at 6:01 pm. Permalink.
Stratford Girl replied:
Hi Kent Girl!
Ha ha! Thanks for your comment! Nice to have you here. Do you have a blog?
SG
September 28, 2007 at 10:51 am. Permalink.
Kent Girl replied:
Hi, no I don’t have a blog but enjoy reading other people’s when I get a mo! Too busy juggling twins (aged 9) with the associated dreaded school run (it’s 3 miles to our nearest shop and 7 miles to their school), a small-holding, three hens and two labradors, all while holding down a full-time job as an in-house lawyer…
Facebook is great as I can indulge my nosy tendencies under the guise of networking. I continue to be amazed at the things people put on their profiles.
September 30, 2007 at 4:26 pm. Permalink.
stratfordgirl replied:
KG:
Sounds like you’re very busy…!
Know what you mean about what people put on their Facebook profiles - so much information. I have kept mine to the minimum but some people I know have put their address and everything…
SG
September 30, 2007 at 5:27 pm. Permalink.